it was a Friday the 7th of January 2005 we got ready to have you at the hospital today you had to be born early because the Doppler test showed that your food supply was low again but the doctors told us not to worry, every thing would be fine, you would be fur weeks early, your big sister nazmiye and brother melih was so happy they would finally meet their little baby sister. both saying how much they loved you and couldn't wait to hold you. you waited until Sunday the 9th of January to be born -my eyes filled with tears because you was so beautiful my darling angel, it was meant to be.. but then i noticed that something was wrong.. i told the midwife but she just said that you were OK and you was just a bit cold and needed an extra blanket. but i was not happy and kept asking for some help but no one seemed to listen..then at last after for hours a nurse noticed that there was something wrong too and called for the doctor to come quick. he took you to the special care unit as you began to struggle.. saying you would be fine.. i told him that your daddy had not even seen you and he said that daddy would just have to wait for his cuddle.. from my arms you left just hours old this is where our story began to unfold .. how i tried to stay by your side. peering through the perspex i admired you every part feeling helpless and scared just wishing and wanting to hold you close to my heart i stroked you soft silky hair ,hoping that you would open an eye tried your best but you couldn't wish you Had seen me. even now as time passes my by. sadly you collapsed before they realised that you needed more then just a rest. we called everyone my darling please know that we tried our very best. you were so poorly they needed to take extra care. i prayed so hard to god. i begged please please hear our prayer she is my baby elnaz? why us? please make her all right. the special care unit tried so hard staying with you throughout the night told me that a new castle team were on there way. so you was baptised. please god, don't let her die. when the team came i thought that you would have a chance and be OK. they took you to the air ambulance ,i prayed again, please please let her live. i discharged myself from the hospital because i wanted to come with you but was told that i was not allowed, so i watched until the air ambulance was out of sight. my eyes filled with tears, i just wanted to be near you. then i left for home to grab some things before i could come to be with you. we did not know that you had already died. no one had told us i called the hospital at about 6 pm to see if you was OK, but the nurse went quiet when i said your name. i will just pass you to the nurse that is looking after your baby i thought that she was going to say you was fine. instead she told me that you had died just before they got you there at 4 pm your little chest had stopped heart soon flowed, it was to late. you had gone; and all my prayers felt wasted. my beautiful daughter ,how could i go on? how could i face life with out you? i could not even take in the rest of the things she was saying to me. i was in shock and disbelief. crying and shaking. my heart torn in two..i begged and pleaded with them to please send my baby back to me but was told that i had to wait. it seemed like forever. i just wanted you in my arms. a last we had you to ourselves but not as we had planed in our own minds, i cuddled and kissed you whispering i will always love you Elnaz it was so cruel what you had to go though because all along there was cure. i left having said goodbye-all i had was a photo in my hand. my arms felt so empty,where was my beautiful baby ELNAZ? i could not possibly understand all the pain and hurt inside my heart .it just goes on and on. i cant believe that this is all true; i wish it was just a nightmare then you could still be here with us we will always love you my darling baby elnaz. god may have you in heaven now but the love that i have for you will forever live on in my heart that's one thing no one an ever take from us; my baby. we will never forget you ,our angel you were just one day old when be lost you to group b strep. something that we had never heard of or been told about by any of the doctors until you died, but now we will never forget its name or what it has done to our life, sweet Jesus up above,please send Elnaz all our love -a little flower .lent not given to bud on earth and bloom in heaven a daily thought a silent tear. always wishing that you was here ..all my love forever your mummy Kerry kiamanesh xxx